I don’t mind being the one who said “I told yea so.”  For whatever reason, I enjoy reading science like the average dude likes watching football and porn.  This affection for scientific journals, medicine and biochemistry has afforded me amazing insight into drugs, human performance, and health - a crystal ball of sorts…And this crystal ball allows me to make predictions that often are lifesaving…

It also helps me dish out Stinky sulfur Awards to those people who threaten public health - Like Dr. Jarvik (six months ago).  He masqueraded as a doctor who had a license to prescribe drugs and a guy who could row a boat courtesy of being fit, thanks to Lipitor…He was bullshitting you and congress finally caught on.

Pfizer said Monday that they are pulling their Lipitor ads featuring Jarvik, the inventor of the artificial heart.  Jarvik, you’re fired!  Get the hell outta here…Where is Trump when you need him? 

House Democrats said the ads could be misleading to consumers because Jarvik appeared to be giving medical advice and he never completed the certification requirements to practice medicine!  Thanks for clearing that up congress!  Now where are the criminal prosecutions?

Imagine this:   You board a plane with your kids.  You hear an announcement; “Ladies and gentlemen Jarvik Flight 2008 is now ready for boarding. Your pilot has a license but he’s never actually flown this Boeing 737.” 

This is the second time Jarvik was fired.  Here is a Jarvik history lesson: 

“Jarvik left the University of Utah, even as controversy rose around the Jarvik-7’s [the artificial heart] clinical use and the ownership of its patents. Symbion, marketers for the Jarvik-7, went out of business after Jarvik was fired in 1987; the federal government filed a criminal complaint against the company in 1994, claiming it had filed false reports. Despite continued implants, criticism grew in the medical community that the Jarvik-7 was not sophisticated enough for human use, and in 1990 the FDA withdrew its approval."

In a statement Monday, Pfizer said it would provide "greater clarity in our advertising regarding the presentation of spokespeople."

What in the hell does this mean, greater clarity? How much clearer can it be?  The use of celebrities for drug endorsements is destined for the same fate as Bob Dole’s Viagra erection.

Last month, lawmakers asked Pfizer to hand over all records of its contract with Jarvik as part of a larger investigation into Jarvik’s celebrity drug endorsements.

When they began giving him the third degree about his qualifications, Jarvik stated that he had the “expertise” to endorse Lipitor.  What expertise?  He made an artificial heart that killed people and got fired for false promotion…Apparently, Jarvik can’t read medical journals either:

1.  Cholesterol-lowering drugs decrease CoQ10 levels within the heart. This essential nutrient serves as an energy producing molecule and is crucial to proper cardiovascular function. Without it, the heart fails. Congestive heart failure is the outcome. This was highlighted when Merck, makers of the first cholesterol-lowering drug, filed for a patent for its profit-pulling “Mevacor.”

2.  Cholesterol-lowering drugs can also destroy memory. Cholesterol works to ensure the integrity of the “myelin sheath.” This coating within the brain is responsible for encouraging the passage of electrical messages. It is needed for memory and focus. As the cholesterol-lowering drugs deplete cholesterol the myelin sheath breaks down. Memory deteriorates.

3.  Cholesterol-lowering drugs can increase the risk of cancer. Studies show they mimic a growth factor responsible for its proliferation. The growth factor is known as VEGF (vascular endothelial growth factor). VEGF is “cancer fertilizer.” Thus, Cholesterol-lowering drug users are creating an environment within their body conducive to cancer growth.

According to USA Today, the U.S. Government is not sending out warnings either. They reported, “Statins have killed and injured more people than the government has acknowledged.” [3]

Jarvik is just as unhealthy as those suckers who ate Lipitor courtesy of his scam.  The New York Times reported that Pfizer used a stunt double in an ad in which Jarvik appeared to be rowing.  This was surprising.  But more shocking, how did they find anyone as ugly as Jarvik to use as a stunt double?  I couldn’t believe this, so I needed some proof and found it:  Two vampires in one picture!

Bill Trombetta, professor of pharmaceutical marketing at St. Joseph’s University commented, "You add up the medical questions and the rowing questions, and it’s a pretty damning indictment. It made sense for them to cut their losses and move on."

Move on to what, Boniva Bitch Sally Field?  I know she’ll promote Lipitor.  She gives great pharmaceutical fellatio.  Boniva failed, like Lipitor…And when it did, the makers added vitamin D to increase bone density…Now patients get poisoned with Boniva and pay alot of money for vitamin D - thanks to Sally Field…Trash Boniva, get some sunshine, or go to Wal-Mart, buy Cod Liver Oil.

See my crystal ball readings, read the Stinky Sulfur Awards to protect your health.