The People's Chemist

I Have A Bottle of Wine, Need a Spine

My Aspirin post riled religious zealots – people fanatically committed to making the rest of us believe their bullshit, or burn in hell. Furious over my curse-of-gab, they attempted to cajole me into publishing curse-free material. Hate mail and blog comments flooded in, anonymously of course. You would’ve thought I ripped out their spine and used it to uncork my bottle of “Daily Red.”

Let it be known. I never use my acuity or profanity to attack or injure a readers’ sense of dignity…at least not all the time.

God made me. And I’ve been cussing ever since. All the while, I’ve excelled as a scholar, survived a collegiate wrestling scholarship with mediocre skills, memorized every Tupac lyric, raised two bright kids and been wildly in love with my wife since we met 15 years ago. My cussing hasn’t caused me to skip a beat…

Now, about that Aspirin post.

It wasn’t about choosing “the right words.” It wasn’t about kow-towing to an invisible status quo. It was about exposing pharmaceuticals as “harmaceuticals.”

Send me a thank you card. Here’s my address: Fuck Off @ Fuck Off More When You Get There.

One man’s poem is another man’s profanity, and the other way around. If I had to wrap my brain around what I thought every person wanted to hear, I’d never get shit done.

I’m just a man. Not a god. You don’t have to follow me.

Far worse than my language is the body count from prescription drug deaths. The bible-beaters missed that…

War is being waged. Innocent people like Grandma Rose are dying young “following doctors orders.” Get out of your easy chair and join the fight. Or, sit back and complain about my language…

Like an alcoholic who can only focus on putting one step in front of the other, zealots are too drunk on religion to see the big picture. This hinders us from winning the war, or at least slows us down. That’s why zealots are the slowest common denominator in society. Beware.

Then, there is me. I am the consummate professional, quick to share my knowledge – at all cost – to win, whereas zealots are trying to make people who think or act differently than them lose. On my own blog, one of you thought you had the brass to say that my cigar smoking was a “turn off.” Fuck you. Who said I was trying to turn you on?

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a coiled snake, ready to strike. Zealots are frumpy field mice, high on gypsum weed. Challenge me, you get the venom.

Back to medicine.

To be brief, the new FDA approved weight loss drug works by killing you before you gain more weight. The Stop Eating So Fucking Much Diet book will expound on this, bioidenticals, calories, muscle growth and lots more.

Dr. Oz is up for a Stinky Sulfur Award.

The Colorado shooter was on psychiatric drugs. This growing trend is scary as hell and the implications put us all at risk.

Over-The-Counter Natural Cures is selling like gangbusters. I’m working on a “sequel” – not a fucking “revision.” (The first one was born right the first time, like me.) Be patient. Gestation for this baby is years.

My creations are selling better than ever, as you can see from my constant battle to keep inventory.

My blog is growing in popularity. It’s like porn – everyone reads it, few admit it.

And just so you know, I am unrelenting in my pursuit for knowledge and nothing is going to get in my way, except for maybe sulfite-free wine and a private party with me, myself, I and my wife…If I can find a zealot with a spine.

About the Author

Shane Ellison

My name is Shane “The People’s Chemist” Ellison. I hold a master’s degree in organic chemistry and am the author of Over-The-Counter Natural Cures Expanded Edition (SourceBooks). I’ve been quoted by USA Today, Shape, Woman’s World, US News and World Report, as well as Women’s Health and appeared on Fox and NBC as a medicine and health expert. Start protecting yourself and loved ones with my FREE report, The 5 Deadly Pills Checklist.

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The People’s Chemist provides these articles for information only. They are not meant to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and do not replace professional medical advice from a medical doctor. I am not a doctor and would only “play doctor” if I was with my wife. In fact, I have not even read Grey’s Anatomy.

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