The People's Chemist

Fuck Almond Milk

It’s Tuesday. I’m still getting caught up from a busy weekend.

Blair spent two days wrestling with Olympic Gold Medalist Cael Sanderson.

Lily worked 20 hours at the local coffee shop…I spent the weekend learning the ways of Native Americans and their historical use of natural medicine. Mom toured the parks with our two babies – Skyler and Aubrey.

Meanwhile, my office received a torrent of hate mail regarding my previous warning of almond milk and its ability to put people into The Fat Cow Hall of Fame.

Sure, if you’re into drinking calories, there’s homemade and non-processed almond “milk” out there…that’s good.  But most of the shit people are drinking is processed to high hell and is nothing but water with white coloring and fake sugars.  This has become all too common in the health biz…package total garbage as being healthy and watch the consumers go bat shit crazy for it and defend it to their death – vitamin D, folic acid, rice milk, vitamin D milk, almond milk, Vitamin Water, Gatorade, sports bars…all of it…

Putting today’s popular almond milk into a smoothie is as stupid as accepting rap into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It doesn’t belong. Tupac said, “Reality is wrong. Only dreams are for real.” And my dream is to never mix gangster rap with the corporate crap music that has become the norm…Alicia Keys, T.I., and the wanna-be hall of fame Sheryl Crow could all choke on peanuts and I’d never lose sleep.

Tupac is another story, though. We still miss him.

Meanwhile, nobody seems to want to get rid of their almond milk.

One fan wrote, “My chiropractor recommended Almond Milk due to low thyroid and I’ve never felt better…You’re the crank! I’m removing myself from your list.”

Good fucking riddance! And tell your chiropractor to suck my book.

Almonds don’t have tits – impossible for them to yield milk.

Go ahead, keep drinking it…

I don’t care if you drink bull semen from a chicken’s ass. Nor do I care if you read my emails or buy my products. I live the lifestyle of the not-so-rich-or-famous and happen to love it, with or without you.

My message to these small people from dark corners of the internet: Leave me alone, you’re not relevant to me or anyone else.

(This is a great lesson to anyone starting up a business on how not to make friends…)

Meanwhile, my more serious emails uncovering the greatest medical frauds in human history get very little attention…like graffiti in LA that’s ignored by millions of motorists, daily….

I’ve written about how the drug industry covers up chemotherapy deaths as “cancer…”

Yawn….

I’ve interviewed nurses who who speak out against the horrors of vaccines…

[Stretching and yawning….]

I’ve explained why you can’t trust most “medical journals,” because they’re corrupted by the practice of medical ghostwriting — where writers are paid big bucks to twist facts and make drugs look safer than they really are…

Sleepier, still….

I wonder what celebrity is celebrating being fat and bragging about it on social media….

The drug industry kills millions of people per year, while banking billions of dollars in profits. But this doesn’t seem to matter nearly as much as the risks associated with drinking white corn syrup labeled as “almond milk”…or what selfie-addicted airheads are posting on Instagram…You’re all nuts.

For the rest of you who actually care about health, this is a courtesy email to let you know that my all-natural testosterone primer is flying out of the warehouse at record speeds. And for a limited time you can jack up your muscle, aggression, libido and raw power while also getting my diet book absolutely FREE!

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Beware: Take too much and you’ll be sending out emails with way to many cuss words and not giving a shit…

(Note to fans, never let anyone tell you how to live your life! Live on!) Ditch the meds (and testosterone gels).

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About the Author

Shane Ellison

My name is Shane “The People’s Chemist” Ellison. I hold a master’s degree in organic chemistry and am the author of Over-The-Counter Natural Cures Expanded Edition (SourceBooks). I’ve been quoted by USA Today, Shape, Woman’s World, US News and World Report, as well as Women’s Health and appeared on Fox and NBC as a medicine and health expert. Start protecting yourself and loved ones with my FREE report, 3 Worst Meds.

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The People’s Chemist provides these articles for information only. They are not meant to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and do not replace professional medical advice from a medical doctor. I am not a doctor and would only “play doctor” if I was with my wife. In fact, I have not even read Grey’s Anatomy.

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